In 1956 my aunt was killed in a car accident and my uncle Tim survived. He started coming to our place a lot after that and eventually my mom had an affair with him and left my dad and 5 of us kids and went with him. I was only 12 when my mom left and it tore me apart as I had no closeness with my dad. I felt she had really deserted me.  Little did I know that I wouldn’t lay eyes on my mom again until I was 16. I searched for her constantly. She would phone now and again but she couldn’t tell me where she was.

When I was 16 I finally found out and got to go and see my mom. It was so great. In those days I never thought of what my mom had done to us kids, I just felt that I needed to be with her. My dad and I still had no closeness and he was very strict and mean. Now I am older I realize that my dad was left to raise 5 kids on his own when he was only 33 years old. What a great man he was as many men would just give the kids up.

My mother hadn’t really done so well since she left my father. Due to the fact that she left my dad and us children and went with the man that her family felt had taken her sister from them, they didn’t have much to do with my mom. So in a sense she was a loner, she really didn’t have anyone that she was close to. One of her sisters used to come around but my stepfather soon fixed that. He was rowdy and a drinker like my dad, as my mom told me one time. The grass isn’t greener and she also said she jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

She did have three more children and since she never got over leaving us, she wouldn’t even consider it. My mom didn’t have any idea how to bring up children on her own. She had always had someone looking after her and I realize now she was afraid to do it on her own. In those days, it didn’t happen much. Nowadays she would have been fine but not back then.

In all those days I never really held it against her for leaving me but I thought about it a lot and it hurt terribly inside. I never really told my mom about the hurt, guess I was always trying to make excuses for her. I have realized since she has been gone how much I really did hold it against her but she never knew it.

I loved my mom totally and still do. She passed away on November 21^st, 2001. I miss now as much as I did then and will love her always. She was very special to me.

In her later years she was struck with Alzheimer's, and that is a terrible disease. My stepfather wouldn’t allow her to go into a home and he took care of her right to the very end. He tried so hard to keep her alive and when I seen him after she died, he told me he failed and he didn’t hold on tight enough. It was like he was apologizing for not keeping her alive.

Since my mom has passed away I don’t keep in contact with him as often as I should but it brings back so many memories for me.

His children were my cousins, but after my aunt passed away and my mom and him were together I considered them as my brothers and sisters also. After all, we children didn’t do nothing, we all lost out in some way. They lost their mom, and we lost ours.

I am just glad for the love I had for and from my mom. It was strong and nothing could break it.

 May she rest in peace.

The song that is playing is “The Wayward Wind” by Gogi Grant. My mom used to sing that song and once she told me that I should listen closely to the words as it was about her and me too. She was telling me that I was just like her. When I finally listen to the words, as I realized she had been telling me that she was restless and yearned to wander as the song says. Guess she was right as I sure never settled down either.